Episode 9: Wisdom For How We Speak

Join Trace and Abi as they discuss how we can use wisdom for how we speak!

Transcript

Jacey Grace 0:02

You're listening to the Spare Office Podcast hosted by the Cross Point Student Staff.

Abi 0:10

Hey, welcome back to the Spare Office Podcast. I am Trace Lock, and this is Abby Evier. And we are part of the Cross Point Student Staff. And we are here to continue talking about what our theme is for this summer, and we're looking at how to walk wisely in following the Lord. And so today's episode is specifically about how to speak wisely. And this is a huge part of the Christian life that the Bible has a lot to say about, that Jesus has a lot to say about. And so today, me and Abby are really just going to kind of explore the scriptures and see exactly how the Bible speaks about how in the world do we speak as wise followers of Jesus Christ.

Daniel 0:48

And so this is a tough one because it's so relatable to all of us.

Abi 0:52

And it's one we all fall short on quite frequently. Yeah. Some might say every day. And so really the main text we're going to be looking at today is James 3. Um just because it's very um extensive on how to speak. It's a famous passage. I'm sure a lot of you guys have heard it and read it and been challenged by it. But um from Genesis to Revelation, the Bible has a lot to say on how we speak. And so um, Happy, do you want to just jump into James three?

Daniel 1:21

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I mean, basically, James, as we know, is the brother of Jesus, and he wrote this book. And we were talking about earlier just the coolness of like he is writing this book not just as this dude, but like he watched Jesus do all of this stuff. Um, so he is speaking from the wisest man who ever walked on the face of the earth, Jesus, who was the perfect man. So, like, even in James 3, 2, it talks about like how the bridle, like the bitten bridle of a horse, leads the horse, and how like nobody can tame their tongue except the perfect man. And that perfect man was Jesus, and he knew Jesus, and he heard Jesus, and he walked with Jesus, and he heard Jesus talk about the Pharisees and how the Pharisees were these double-minded men who looked good on the outside, but their hearts were were terrible. And so now James is going to talk about the double-tongued man. And so everything he speaks from, he speaks from he's speaking in wisdom because he watched Jesus live and speak and do. And now he's telling us how to live, speak, and do.

Abi 2:31

Yeah, and that's just such a cool thing to think about as we read the New Testament, these people who um followed Jesus um, you know, decades after they were with him on the earth. It's like they're just really repeating what he had to say. If you read 1 John, he's just repeating what Jesus said decades earlier. And you get here to James, and he's looking back, yeah, to the perfect man. Um, and he's talking about how to to speak, and he's talking about the destruction of the tongue. You know, it he says, you know, like so. Also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire. Um, our speech um impacts others greatly, and we have to be careful. And so he is giving us some wisdom here in this passage that he got from Jesus, because what we have to learn is with speech, um we have to be very careful with what we say, because when we just babble and we run our mouths a lot, we're we're going to say hurtful things, we're going to say unwise things without even really meaning it. And sometimes these things we say in passing um are little ashes or little embers that can be catch a huge fire and and get out of control.

Daniel 3:46

Yeah. I mean, we were talking about just like how many of us have these moments in our life at different seasons in our life where somebody has said something to us and it has just stuck. You know, it's like there was a situation, you know, with Sam who worked far away for a while. So it was just me running my household. And it was easy because I chose what was for dinner and I chose where we went and I did all this stuff. And just this passing comment when he was in town one weekend, I said, you know, it's just a lot easier when you're not here. And like it was one of these things that just got planted in his head, and all of these lies of she doesn't want me here, like I'm not useful here, like all of these thoughts that kind of because of one just passing comment. And I didn't mean it like I don't want you here. I didn't mean it in an ugly way. I just in reality, it was just easier. But I didn't think about what those words would do and the fire, like you're saying, that that set ablaze in his mind and just what it would do for our relationship. Is it just simple? It's just in passing. And, you know, even like I'm sure you too, like working with students. Like when you meet with them, they will tell you some one thing somebody told them last week, two years ago, when they were five. And it has set this blaze in their heart to think, this is who I am, this is how I'll identify. This is like I can't get past what was said here, whether just in passing or whether it was meant to be ugly in those situations. So words are powerful and God, God cares about our words big time.

Abi 5:22

Yeah. I mean, it's it's about the careless things we just say in passing, like what you said to Sam, that you really there wasn't an ill intent there. It's just things that come out of our mouths that we we're not really catching. And then there's the intentional things that really can destroy people. I mean, have there have been words spoken to people that have destroyed their lives, their self-esteem, their view of themselves, their view of God. And so scripture is explicit in telling us watch what you say. Really, this episode is about speaking wisely, but I think the main message that the Bible says and how to speak wisely is learning how to speak less in some ways, and learning how to hold your tongue. Because even if you just turn back in James and 1.19, before he talks about taming the tongue and learning how to solder speech, he says, Know this, my beloved brothers, let every person be quick to hear and slow to speak. A big part of speaking wisely is learning when to not say anything and to be better listeners than we are speakers, because we can be really, really um always thinking about what we want to say to people to try to whether correct or do all this. Um, and sometimes we just need to listen, especially to those that are in suffering or in hard spots. Sometimes we just want to come in and fix things and say give dispel say the right thing and fix it. And sometimes there's nothing that you can say that is the right thing. And sometimes you just have to listen to people. That's really, really hard.

Daniel 6:45

There's like that saying, you know, how it always says, like you have two eyes, you have two ears, and you have one tongue, and that tongue is behind your teeth, behind your lips. It's like in this cage. So it's like it's it's almost you gotta tame it because your ears are not covered. So listening is the easiest thing. And then your eyes are quick blinks. So also like that's a be quick to see what's going on. And you know, we always say like hurting people hurt people. And so oftentimes what I experience in my home is somebody says something hurtful, and then somebody has to say something hurtful back. And not that they mean any of it, but it's like you hurt me, I'm gonna hurt you. And if we could slow down and be like, okay, what you just said was hurtful, let me think through why did you say that? What's going on in your heart to make you say that? So instead of me responding so quickly with a comment back, maybe I should ask a question instead. Or maybe I should walk away, or maybe I should just sit in quiet because maybe the next statement after a hurtful statement will be a cry for help, or this is what happened today, or you know, something that would clarify why. And so I think that's what you're you're saying. Like Proverbs 10, 19 says that when there are many words, sin is unavoidable. But one who controls his lips is prudent. And so it's like if if all we're doing is talking, chances are we're sinning against somebody. And so just to slow down, like you're saying, I mean, let's just be quick to listen.

Abi 8:19

Yeah. And the Proverbs, like as far as practical application, scripture says a lot about our speech from cover to cover. Sometimes we have to look more at the concept of the lesson, but then we get to places like Proverbs where it tells us straight up, here's what to do and what not to do. Like you just quoted in Proverbs 10, Proverbs 17 says this whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding. Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise. And so we have to learn how to restrain our tongues. It's our sinful nature that we want to get to the last word. Yeah, we want to prove ourselves right. We want to be justified in this conversation or this argument. And that's just not what the Bible teaches. The Bible teaches like restrain your tongue, you know, humble yourself, and you will be exalted. Um, it is our pride that drives us to say um some of the most hurtful things to the people we love the most. And that's just, it'll eat you alive. Because really, when we're talking about wisdom, the reason the Bible has so much to say about wisdom is because if we walk wisely, we will live a better life. Like Jesus is concerned about our life here on earth. Yes, he wants eternal life with us forever, but he wants us to walk wisely in flourishing here on earth. And if we live as fools, well, we only go to destruction. And so he wants us to be able to control our tongue so that we can live at peace with one another and and as a result with him.

Daniel 9:48

Right. And don't you think, like, I like even as you're talking, when you're talking about relationally, if if our tongue is what gets in the way, if it's the offenses that come that break relationship, and we have this master deceiver of Satan, you know, like I think it's interesting in James 3, it goes through like how a forest is set ablaze by a small fire, and then it kind of moves into hell and Satan. And so it kind of, and then I'm like, wait, we have a real enemy that wants to destroy our relationships, break up our community, and what a better way to do that than through our speech. Again, whether intentional or not, our brokenness is gonna run up into other people's brokenness, their insecurities. And that's exactly what's gonna happen. Like I see it in middle school girls, I see it in high school girls, I see it in mom groups. Like you say something, and now our relationship is severed. And when our relationship is severed, the glory of God is not seen. Our light does not shine, darkness comes into places where the Lord intends for it not to be. I mean, we see it in churches, you know, somebody something said from the pulpit that offends you. I think that's why Cross Point has we speak to people and not about people, because again, God cares about what comes out of our mouths because the Lord is after unity, the Lord is after community, because that's where we grow. So how smart of the enemy to come in and destroy the one thing that's supposed to look like Christ is the body of Christ, by instead, like ripping members apart by our speech.

Abi 11:27

Yeah. I mean, if you read the New Testament, all of it, so much of it is about unity. It is about loving one another. Jesus says, a new commandment I give to you that you would love one another as I have loved you. And the whole law is fulfilled in loving the Lord our God with all our heart, soul, mind, and strength, and then to love others as you know we love ourselves. And our speech is a huge part of that because, yeah, our relationships are dominated by how we talk to one another. Yeah. And so we cannot have unity if we're having quarrels and and arguments about worthless things. I mean, Paul writes about this stuff all the time. And so we have to apply that to our lives. We have to not tolerate gossip or slander or just dissension and in these in these things. We we there's no room for that in the church. It it is poison and it and it kills us. And so we we have to be killing it. Um, and this is something that's really hard because whenever we talk about this, we feel like hypocrites because then I'm saying this and I'm like I am really bad about that sometimes because it's so easy to slip into the mindset of the flesh and just to say things that are careless.

Daniel 12:37

Yeah.

Abi 12:37

But we will give an account for those careless words. Yeah.

Daniel 12:40

And even like as you're talking, so convicted of just like how we all have our safe friends. Like you would never say it in a group of acquaintances, but once you get with your safe friends, you just like will let it out. And, you know, I'm just thinking to myself, I'm supposed to be building up these sisters in Christ. Like, I'm not supposed to just be like, oh, well, now I can be honest because I'm with these people and slander my brother or sister. Because then also what that does is if I'm sitting in a room with my friends and I'm talking trash about somebody, what makes them think that I'm not in another room talking trash about them? And so then what it does is it builds this lack of trust. You're not a good friend, you're not a confidant, you're not somebody that when life is hard, they feel like they can come to you. And again, that's the community of the body of Christ is I wanna, I want to look like Christ, I want to be slow, I wanna move through ministry in a way that people know she's not too busy for me, or when I tell her something, she's not gonna tell somebody else. Like I want there to be confidence in that because I want someone to be that for me. And so I think too, what's really interesting and and what needs to happen in our hearts when we slow down is like in Luke when it says, out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks. And if my tongue is speaking evil, deceit, gossip, complaining, if if that's what the majority of my tongue is speaking, then what is going on inside of my heart? And I think that's the big red flag, that's the pause for I really need to kind of figure out what's going on here inside of me. And that's hard because we don't want to do that. It's easier for me to point out your sin and be like, you hurt me. And that's a lot easier for me to do than to be like, I hurt somebody or I'm feeling something going on in my heart. And then how do we deal with that?

Abi 14:35

Yeah, it's it's difficult. But the goal in all of this, like you said, it is to become like Jesus. Yeah. And that's the goal of life, is to be conformed into his image. Um, and when we think about Jesus, um, people who talk a lot and they run their mouths, we kind of learn to filter them out because they just say a lot of things. And you almost learn, okay, yeah, maybe they didn't even really mean that. They just talk so much. That's not how Christians should be. We should be people when we speak, it is intentional, and people listen to what we have to say. I think Jesus was the ultimate wise person. And so when he spoke, I'm sure the disciples were just on the edge of their seats. What is he going to say? He has the words of life. And so we want to be like our Lord and Savior. We want to have words of life that do not destroy, and we want to have no corrupting talk come out of our mouths. And so, really, just to kind of wind this up with another practical application, talking about what you're talking about with um beefs and quarrels and fights. Um, again, the Bible talks about this in our our saying that we say here of talking to people, not about them, we need to come up with that ours ourselves. That is from the Bible. And in Proverbs 17, verse 9, it says, Whoever covers an offense seeks love, but he who repeats a matter separates close friends. That isn't just about like covering it up in like a um, you know, sly way. It's more of keeping it private. If there is a an offense, if someone's wronged you and you you feel like you need to handle this, well then don't just go blab into the other people, your safe friends about, oh well, you need to hear what happened and you get worked up about it. Go to that person, talk to them, handle it directly, and God is pleased with that. He is honored by that, and hopefully there's resolve and unity.

Daniel 16:26

Yeah. I I mean, again, that's obedience.

Abi 16:29

Yeah.

Daniel 16:29

And I think clearly, like it's hard. I think the Lord speaks to it so much in his word is because he knows our hearts are prone to wander, our hearts are prone to sin, that we are broken. And our natural default will not be towards holiness. Our natural default, I think, as many of us would know, is to complain, to speak ill. And so I think the kindness of God in leaving us his word is this constant redirection of my way is better, my way is wiser. And I think the more we step into those that obedience and we see that it actually works, that this is hard, but I'm gonna go speak to somebody. This is hard, but I'm gonna keep my mouth quiet. I wanna say something right now because you've hurt my feelings, but I'm gonna be quiet. I wanna, you know, it takes a lot of humility to be wise. It takes a lot of it's difficult because it's easier to be petty. It's easier to just be offended. It's, I mean, we live in a generation who loves to be offended and to have a cause and to hold their fists in the air and get mad at everybody. But what if we could be the words of life? Like, as you're saying the words of life, that's like I get to take a breath.

Jacey Grace 17:42

Yeah.

Daniel 17:42

Like, don't we know all those people who suck the life out of a room by their negativity and all that? I don't want to be that person. No, like, but Jesus spoke the words of life. The Bible holds the words of life. And it's like, I want, I want life. And and that's why he came. He came that we might live and and have an abundant life. And I think abundance comes in wisdom and especially wisdom through speech, because it's we all talk every day.

Abi 18:11

Yeah.

Daniel 18:12

Every day.

Abi 18:12

And so that's really what we're getting at today, to summarize today, you know, to speak wisely, um, to have flourish and have full life on this earth means to be able to know when to not speak. And when we do, to to season it with salt, to speak life, to speak like Jesus did, to, you know, to count others' needs as more significant than our own. And that takes a lot of um practice. It's it doesn't come easy. And so my encouragement, you know, if you're a student listening to this, you know, a way that you can speak wisely this week is to honor your parents and how you respond to them and not talking back and with your siblings to not try to get the last word in or to prove yourself right, even if your your cause is just. And then if you know, there's older people like parents, or if you're a college student listening to this, like, you know, the Bible tells us to not provoke our children to anger, um, but you know, we should be patient and gentle and to teach them the ways of the Lord diligently. Um, that takes wisdom and it takes patience. And we don't have a lot of it. So we look to the one who does. And so I hope that this is an encouragement to you as you listen to this podcast. Um, Jesus wants us to walk wisely on this earth, and we want to help equip you guys in that as we ourselves uh walk in that. And so we hope that you continue to tune in to our podcast this summer as we talk about how to walk wisely.

Jacey Grace 19:34

Hi. You've been listening to the Spare Office Podcast hosted by the CrossPoint Student staff. We would love to hear your feedback and questions so you can contact us on Instagram at cpstudents underscore info or on Facebook at CrossPoint Students. Again, thank you for listening to this episode of the Spare Office Podcast.